A New Chapter

A new experiment...last one didn't quite happen, and actually because of the underlying reason to this trial.

I have an issue with alcohol. Hopefully if I manage to write regularly on this blog from here on out, it will be explained. Over time...its complicated. But probably very simple when the twigs are described back to their branches, back to boughs...and so on.

Tonight I am trialing a prescription drug not available in Ireland called Naltrexone. Or at least, not willingly supplied by any doctor I have discussed it with thus far. It is an opiad-inhibitor (more on that another time), that is supposed to curb an alcoholics cravings for the demon. Another way to take it is called the "Finland Method" - if memory serves, I read about it some time ago. The idea here being, that you only take the tablet before you drink, and it will curb the effects of the alcohol...so you drink less...and bit by bit, you cut down.

So on this Saturday night, I am alone and halfway through a second beer (real English ale as it happens...delicious by the way), I took the tablet an hour before drinking. First off mentioning, is intention. I was supposed to go to a friends birthday bash tonight, but deliberately chose to give it a miss. The reason being; it would have been a very boozy affair, moreover, there would have been more than one type of powder freely available to the nose of those who would indulge...that would have been everyone present. Actually, that is everyone present right now at this shindig, till the wee hours and beyond. This is why I said 'No'.

The drugs would have been a boon to my soul for a night...I have never had much real difficulty with taking them - a one in a blue moon kinda fella. The issue with me, is always the aftermath...I don't know when to quit the party. Infact, drinking the day after is almost the best part. This is where I do damage to myself, I can end up in 48-96 hour sessions....after the fact. Often, I'm finally accepting the party has come to pass, around the time the other attendees are finishing their working week and discussing the impending weekends' possibilities.

Now, back to this evening. The drug is effective. I am still in the middle third of my second beer, and I started drinking about two hours ago. In my usual form, I would be at least on my fifth pint. So the drug is effective.

To describe its effect: I feel momentarily quite drunk, sort of stoned after each sip - and thus content, and contented for some time after. I am guessing this is how normal people are effected by alcohol. I don't need or want any more of my beer, than the mouthful I had...I am satisfied by it. This is a peculiar feeling for me. It  plays into the theory I heard about alcoholism and especially dipsomania - that those who become dependent / loose control of their intake once imbibing (dipsomania) are actually so intolerant to alcohol, that they become instantly 'high' from a very small amount, and thus they need to consume quickly and often (if they are not indeed the same thing) in order to avoid withdrawal symptoms.

Sounds a bit silly to a person from a 'drinking' society - the very notion of withdrawal symptoms after a single beer?. But, I believe this could be quite true. In my drinking life and history, if I'm honest - I have always needed to pass-out to bring festivities to an end. While I'm conscious - the need for 'one more' would always be with me. 'One more'...to keep the buzz going. To keep the game alive. When you think about it: how different is this problem, from that of a crack-heads' main burden?